Funny Text Messages

Lolita called up Boris: Come on over, there?s nobody home.
Boris reached Lolita’s home, No body was home.

You don’t know how precious you are to me.
When you cry, I cry
When you laugh, I laugh
When you jump out of the window?
I look down & I’m still laughing.

God made man and then rested.
God made women and then no one rested

Crime doesn’t pay…Does that mean my job is a crime?

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
Click here to read more Funny Text Messages... (162 words, estimated 39 secs reading time)

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

Q: What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
A: The Branch Manager.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What’s brown, red, black and blue?
A: A Brunette who’s been tellin one too many blonde jokes.

Q: Why couldn’t the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
A: She couldn’t find the recipe.
Click here to read more Blonde Jokes... (493 words, estimated 1:58 mins reading time)

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s s3xual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 per minute.

Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.

S3x is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…

Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams……

Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your p3nis………………………ERROR: Your p3nis was not found! Sorry…………..
Click here to read more SMS Joke... (320 words, estimated 1:17 mins reading time)

An Aeroplane asks a Rocket
How is that you can fly so fast?
The Rocket replies you will know the pain
when they put fire at your back!

A group of elephants were
sitting on the street. A sexy
female elephant passes by…
What does the loafer elephant say?
Wow… 3600-2400-3600

chicken and egg in bed,
chicken has head on pillow smoking.
Egg rolls over annoyed saying”i guess we answered that question”

life is short! if you dont look around once in a while you might miss it

r mosquitoes religious?
YES
They first sing over u
& then prey on you

Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams……

My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too…

Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? …Okay, then can we just practice?

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Jesus loves you… everyone else thinks your an asshole…

If you wanna be a hippie, put you flower in your pipi…

Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!
Click here to read more Text Jokes 1... (170 words, estimated 41 secs reading time)