When Jim walked into the office, he knew something was up. There was a message on his desk that the boss wanted to see him as soon as he arrived. The boss didn’t look very happy when Jim reported to his office. The older man didn’t say anything, he just pointed at the newspaper on his desk. It was opened to the sports page, and there was a picture of a smiling Jim, holding up the trophy for winning the local golf tournament the day before. “I just checked. You called in sick yesterday!” the boss said. “What if everybody just claimed to be sick and took off whenever they wanted to? What do you have to say for yourself?” There was a moment of silence in the big corner office, until Jim finally spoke up, “I was really surprised to win the tournament, sir. I have never played that well. Think of the score I could have had if I hadn’t been sick!”

My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too…

Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? …Okay, then can we just practice?

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Jesus loves you… everyone else thinks your an asshole…

If you wanna be a hippie, put you flower in your pipi…

Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!

Never let a man’s mind wander, it’s too little to be out on it’s own!!!!

It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.