When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!

Be nice to your children. They choose your nursing home.

I’ve written a poem for you: twinkle twinkle little star, you should know what you are, and once you know what you are, mental hospital is not too far.

They say laughter is the best medicine…so your face must be curing the world one laugh at a time.

It’s important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It’s also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!

To forget all your worries, disapointments, unwanted emotions & behavior, & all the terrible things that life brings you,
Just do one thing.
SLEEP.@_@.

In an exam, a student who wasn’t prepared left the test paper blank and at bottom drew flowers and wrote…
“In memory of my memory which recently passed away!”

Due to numerous cases of Roman Catholic Priests linked to women and boys, the Vatican plans to change their title to -
ROMANTIC CATHOLIC PRIESTS.

A woman tells her boyfriend, it’s not fair, women have two things to attract the opposite sex and men only have one.
The boyfriend says men have two things also, and pulls out his wallet.

You don’t know how precious you are to me.
When you cry, I cry
When you laugh, I laugh
When you jump out of the window?
I look down & I’m still laughing.

God made man and then rested.
God made women and then no one rested

Crime doesn’t pay…Does that mean my job is a crime?

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.

I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

Q: What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
A: The Branch Manager.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What’s brown, red, black and blue?
A: A Brunette who’s been tellin one too many blonde jokes.

Q: Why couldn’t the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
A: She couldn’t find the recipe.

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a bottle of beer?
A: The beer won’t get jealous when you have another!

Q: What’s the difference between a rooster and a blonde?
A: The rooster says “cock-a-doodle-doo!”, and the blonde says, “Any cock’ll do!”

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: It kept falling out!

Q: Why does a blonde drive a BMW?
A: Cuz she can spell it…

Q: Why didn’t the blonde change her babys diaper for a month?
A: Because the package said good for up to one month.

Q:Whats the difference between magnets and women?
A: magnets have a positive side

1 day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, “Hey buddy, why are you doing that?” He said, “Because you came home early.”

In a bar 1 Guy says 2 another
“I slept wid ur mom last nite”
D whole bar was waiting 4 d other Guy’s response.
He laughs & says, “Lets go home dad, U r drunk”

Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me “What’s on the TV?”
I said, “Dust.”

A group of elephants were
sitting on the street. A sexy
female elephant passes by…
What does the loafer elephant say?
Wow… 3600-2400-3600

chicken and egg in bed,
chicken has head on pillow smoking.
Egg rolls over annoyed saying”i guess we answered that question”

life is short! if you dont look around once in a while you might miss it

r mosquitoes religious?
YES
They first sing over u
& then prey on you