Funny Text Messages

How can you tell when a politician is lying to you? When his lips move!

When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!

Be nice to your children. They choose your nursing home.

I’ve written a poem for you: twinkle twinkle little star, you should know what you are, and once you know what you are, mental hospital is not too far.

They say laughter is the best medicine…so your face must be curing the world one laugh at a time.
Click here to read more Funny Text Messages 5... (237 words, estimated 57 secs reading time)

Lolita called up Boris: Come on over, there?s nobody home.
Boris reached Lolita’s home, No body was home.

You don’t know how precious you are to me.
When you cry, I cry
When you laugh, I laugh
When you jump out of the window?
I look down & I’m still laughing.

God made man and then rested.
God made women and then no one rested

Crime doesn’t pay…Does that mean my job is a crime?

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
Click here to read more Funny Text Messages... (162 words, estimated 39 secs reading time)

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

Q: What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
A: The Branch Manager.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What’s brown, red, black and blue?
A: A Brunette who’s been tellin one too many blonde jokes.

Q: Why couldn’t the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
A: She couldn’t find the recipe.
Click here to read more Blonde Jokes... (493 words, estimated 1:58 mins reading time)

Daughter: Mummy that man gave me 10 rupees to climb that tree.
Mother: Stupid !He wanted to see ur panty.
Daughter: I am clever I din’t wear any of them.

Q:Whats the difference between magnets and women?
A: magnets have a positive side

1 day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, “Hey buddy, why are you doing that?” He said, “Because you came home early.”

In a bar 1 Guy says 2 another
“I slept wid ur mom last nite”
D whole bar was waiting 4 d other Guy’s response.
He laughs & says, “Lets go home dad, U r drunk”
Click here to read more Naughty Text Messages... (131 words, estimated 31 secs reading time)

An Aeroplane asks a Rocket
How is that you can fly so fast?
The Rocket replies you will know the pain
when they put fire at your back!

A group of elephants were
sitting on the street. A sexy
female elephant passes by…
What does the loafer elephant say?
Wow… 3600-2400-3600

chicken and egg in bed,
chicken has head on pillow smoking.
Egg rolls over annoyed saying”i guess we answered that question”

life is short! if you dont look around once in a while you might miss it

r mosquitoes religious?
YES
They first sing over u
& then prey on you

What will happen if u throw an AMPLIFIER into the sea?
TSUNAMI will be created since an amplifier converts small waves into bigger wave.

Every girl wants one guy to meet all her needs, while every guy wants all the girls to meet his one need.

Girls are like phones, we like to be held and talked too, but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!

A Short thing, It gets Longer when U hold it, N pass between women Breasts, N enters into A hole What is it? 1 min 2 think! Car Seat Belt, U dirty mind.
Click here to read more Jokes For Text... (142 words, estimated 34 secs reading time)

Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams……

My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too…

Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? …Okay, then can we just practice?

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Jesus loves you… everyone else thinks your an asshole…

If you wanna be a hippie, put you flower in your pipi…

Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!
Click here to read more Text Jokes 1... (170 words, estimated 41 secs reading time)