Funny Text Messages

Christmas is the season of love and share so here’s a list of lovely messages that you can share to your love ones.

Wen a big, fat, hairy man comes in ur room at nyht and put you in a bag, dont be afraid! Ive told Santa i want you for Christmas!

A blessed Christmas to you! A silent night,a star above,a blessed gift of hopeand love. A blessed Christmas to you!

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas have a great new year !Hopefully santa will be extra good to you .enjoy your holidays!
Click here to read more Christmas Text Messages... (284 words, estimated 1:08 mins reading time)

Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball?
It was his bat.

What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
His other fang.

Why did the vampire quit the baseball team?
They would only let him be BAT boy!

Why didn’t Dracula get married?
He never met a nice Ghoul!

What does a vampire fear most?
Tooth decay

What is Transylvania?
Dracula’s terror-tory

Where does Dracula water ski?
On Lake Erie

What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
Count Duckula
Click here to read more Halloween Jokes... (355 words, estimated 1:25 mins reading time)

“I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you.””

“It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.”

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
Click here to read more Funny Quotes... (189 words, estimated 45 secs reading time)

Of all the friends I’ve ever met. Your the one I won’t forget. And if I die before you do, I’ll go to heaven and wait for you.

Words however special… could never even start, to tell you all the love I have for you within my heart.

Love under the stars… they seem very far, but you are so close the star I love the most.

Theres a warmth in my heart. It haunts me when you’re gone. Mend me to your side and never let go. The more I live The more I know, what’s simple is true, I love you.
Click here to read more Love Messages... (316 words, estimated 1:16 mins reading time)

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s s3xual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 per minute.

Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.

S3x is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…

Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams……

Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your p3nis………………………ERROR: Your p3nis was not found! Sorry…………..
Click here to read more SMS Joke... (320 words, estimated 1:17 mins reading time)

Caught Sleeping Together
Boy1:Meet my wife Tina
Boy2.Oh! I know her
Boy1:How?
Boy2:v were caught sleeping together
Boy1:What the hell?
Boy2.during lecture in maths class

When In Trouble
When you are in trouble, don’t ever say,”Hey God!, I have big problem”
instead say,”Hey Problem, I have big GOD!”
and everything will be fine….

Success of Your Life
If you talk or say something after you think about it
this is not a success.
If you think and talk or say something
this is you success of your life.

Good Friends Are Hard To Find
Good FRIENDS are hard to find,
harder to leave,
and impossible to forget.

A mobile is like women :-
Talks non-stop,
Costs a fortune,
Disturbs when your busy
And when U need them urgently, they have no service.

terrorists have kidnapped our lecturers…
and demanded a ransom of $500000 or else they will burn them with kerosene…
plz donate. i have donated 15 litres.

Intelligent Man + Intelligent Woman = Romance.
Intelligent Man + Stupid Woman = Pregnancy.
Stupid Man + Intelligent Woman = Affair.
Stupid Man + Stupid Woman = Marriage !

One day i read smoking is bad, i stopped smoking.
one day i read drinking is bad, i stopped drinking.
one day i read SEX is bad, i stopped reading

sky is very high,
but that is blue,
I am missing sombody,
that is you.

DON’T LOVE A FRIEND LIKE A FLOWER,
BECAUSE A FLOWER DIES IN SEASON.
LOVE THEM LIKE RIVER, BESAUSE A RIVER FLOWS
FOREVER….HAVE A NICE DAY

He came to me one nite
explored my body
licked
sucked
swallowed
and had his fill
wen satisfied he left…
I was hurt…
F IN MOSQUITO
yoU Dirty Mind

Which part of mans body has no bone, full of veins, pumps liquid, and responsible for making love?
Answer: HEART, but I love the way you think.
Click here to read more Naughty Text Messages 2... (156 words, estimated 37 secs reading time)

Miss: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Student: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

A teacher ask”wot part of the body goes to heaven first?”
A child replies”feet- coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I’M COMIN!

Latest porn releases:shaving private ryan.position impossible.as big as it gets.forest hump.riding miss daisy.starwhores and pornocchio

What’s the difference between your job and your wife?
Your job still sucks after five years!
Click here to read more Dirty Text Messages... (202 words, estimated 48 secs reading time)

Man runs home and shouts:
“Pack your Bag Honey!
I just won 10 million dollars in the lottary.”
Wife: “Do I pack for the Beach or the Resort?”
Man: Who Cares Just Pack and Get Lost…

Q: What is the similarity
between SEX and SHOPPING?
A: MAN can not hold both
for more than 5 minutes.

A Guy picks up a girl 4
the date, Why are u wearing
ur belt around ur knee.?
Girl: I promised my mom that
I wouldn’t let you touch me
below my belt.
Click here to read more Free Funny SMS... (143 words, estimated 34 secs reading time)