my buddy: I wasn’t THAT drunk.
me: dude, you asked your girlfriend if she was single…
officer: how high are you?
me: no officer, it’s hi how are you
I have a drinking problem…I don’t have any money!
An amnesiac walks into a tavern and asks the bartender, “Do I come here often?”
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So who’s in a such a hurry?
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.
Drunk drivers run stop signs, high drivers wait for them to turn green.
‘Here’s to alcohol – the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.’