Flirty Text Messages

I know you’re busy today, but can you add one thing to your to-do list? Me.

I wish I was a teddy bear, that lay upon your bed, so everytime you cuddled it, you cuddled me instead.

If I could re arrange the alphabet I would put u and i together.

Excuse me, can you empty your pockets? I believe you have stolen my heart.

Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

Call me if you don’t know what to wear.

Loving you could take my life, but when I look into your eyes, I know you’re worth that sacrafice!

My heart problem has reached a critical stage.
That doctor says: There r only 2 options left‚¦
ICU
Or
U C Me.

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Bata ka pa mahal
MATRONA: Sa palagay mo, mahal, ilang taon na ako?
BINATA : Kung titignan ka ng naka sideview, 18 ka lang; kung nakatalikod naman 16 lang; kung sa tangkad, 14 ka lang. Bale pagnakaharap ka ang total ay 48, sweetheart.

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Tagalog Jokes

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Naging milyonaryo
“Ako ang tumulong sa asawa ko para maging milyonaryo!” pagyayabang ng isang misis sa kanyang mga kumare.
“Bakit, ano ba siya dati?” tanong ng isang kumare.
“Bilyonaryo.” sagot ni misis na gastador.

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Tunay na anak
Mister: “Ako ay malapit nang mamatay. Ipagtapat mo na sa akin kung sino ang ama ng bunso natin dahil siya lang ang pangit sa siyam nating mga anak.”
Misis: “Huwag ka galit siya lang tunay mo anak!”

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Di na talo
My mag syota na d nagkita ng 1 month…
Then 1 day nagkita sila, at ang unang tanong ng girl sa boy…
“MAHAL MO PA BA AKO?”
Di nakasagot ang boy pero ang ginawa nya ay…
kinuha ang kamay ng girl sabay itinapat sa kanyang dibdib…
at dun napaiyak ang girl kasi….
may boobs na pala ang gaga!!
hahaha…^_^

Girl announced her engagement to her father.
Father: Does this fellow has any money?
Girl: Oh! Dad, U men r all alike, thats exactly what he asked me about u!

YOU are very cute becos in my dictionary Cute means
C – Causing U – Un-necessary T – Trouble E – Everywhere

Rules of Life: Assume Nothing, Xpect Little,
Do More, Demand Less,
Smile Often, Dream Big,
Laugh a Lot, Pray Always,
Cry Once for missing me everyday.

I love you in blue. I love you in red but most of all. I love you in bed.

Twinkle twinkle little star,
you should know what you are,
and once you know what you are,
Mental hospital is not so far.

4 Stages of marriage:
Mad for each other.
Made for each other.
Mad at each other.
Mad bcoz of each other.

I’m home all by myself…Going crazy…Thinking about you.

A short thing, its get longer as u hold it
pass between woman’s breast & enters into a small hole
What is it?
Ans. cars seat belt…u dirty mind

A young girl after her honeymoon came fully exhausted and tired,
When her friends asked her what happened? She replied :
When this 70 year old bastard told me he has saved a lot from last 50 years,
“I thought It was MONEY”

When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!

Be nice to your children. They choose your nursing home.

I’ve written a poem for you: twinkle twinkle little star, you should know what you are, and once you know what you are, mental hospital is not too far.

They say laughter is the best medicine…so your face must be curing the world one laugh at a time.

It’s important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It’s also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!

To forget all your worries, disapointments, unwanted emotions & behavior, & all the terrible things that life brings you,
Just do one thing.
SLEEP.@_@.

In an exam, a student who wasn’t prepared left the test paper blank and at bottom drew flowers and wrote…
“In memory of my memory which recently passed away!”

Due to numerous cases of Roman Catholic Priests linked to women and boys, the Vatican plans to change their title to -
ROMANTIC CATHOLIC PRIESTS.

A woman tells her boyfriend, it’s not fair, women have two things to attract the opposite sex and men only have one.
The boyfriend says men have two things also, and pulls out his wallet.