SMS Jokes

Knock Knock
Who’s there !
Algy !
Algy who !
Algy-bra !

Will you remember me in an hour?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a day?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a week?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a month?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a year?
Yes.
I think you won’t.
Yes, I will.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
See? You’ve forgotten me already!

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Repeat.
Repeat who?
Who Who!

Knock Knock.
Who’s There?
Broccoli.
Broccoli Who?
Broccoli doesn’t have a last name, silly.

Knock Knock
Who’s There?
Dishes
Dishes Who?
Dishes me, whois you?
Click here to read more Knock Knock Jokes... (136 words, estimated 33 secs reading time)

Q:  What is a baby’s motto
A:  If at first you don’t succeed cry cry again!

Q: Why did the cook get arrested?
A: Because he beat up an egg.

This guy went to school and he asked
“May I use the bathroom?”
The teacher replied, ” no not unless you say your abc’s.”
The guy said “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.”
The teacher asked “Where’s the p?
He replied, ” running down my leg!”
Click here to read more Kids Jokes... (305 words, estimated 1:13 mins reading time)

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Click here to read more One Liners Jokes... (331 words, estimated 1:19 mins reading time)

- Whats the difference between a pizza and a jew?
- A pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in the oven.

- There is a 1000 niggers and one white guy, what is the white guy called?
- Warden.

- There is a nigger and a Mexican in a car. Who is driving?
- Nethier, the cop is.

- What did the black man do first time when they saw a ship?
- They stick they’re head in the water to see if it has wheels!
Click here to read more Funny Racist Jokes... (273 words, estimated 1:06 mins reading time)

Q. What do Easter Bunny helpers get for making a basket?
A. Two points, just like anyone else.

Q. What’s invisible and smells like carrots?
A. The Ether Bunny

Q. Why did the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
A. He doesn’t want the other bunnies to know tht he was fooling around with the chickens.

Easter has been canceled folks. They found the body.

Do-It-Yourself Easter Kit: 2 boards, 3 nails, and a martyr!

Knock, knock…
Who’s there?
“Ether”!
“Ether” who?
“Ether” Bunny!

When one breeds an angora rabbit with an Easter Bunny is that a cross hair?
Click here to read more Easter Sunday Jokes... (124 words, estimated 30 secs reading time)

Summer Jokes
Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer’s day?
A: I’m bacon!

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On a cheerful summer holiday weekend a man walks into the butcher shop that has a sign in the window saying “Ground Sirloin: 29 cents per pound.”
“I’m having a cookout this weekend,” the man says, “and I’d like 5 pounds of your ground sirloin, please.”
The butcher shakes his head and says, “Sorry. I’m all out.”
The disappointed man goes down the street to another butcher shop and asks, “How much is your ground sirloin?”
“It’s $3.29 per pound.”
“Three twenty nine?” exclaims the man. “Just up the street they are selling it for 29 cents!”
The butcher smiles calmly at the gentleman and asks, “Does he have any?”
“No. He’s out of it right now.”
“Well,” says the butcher, “When I don’t have any, I can also sell it for 19 cents per pound!”
Click here to read more Summer Jokes and Summer Quotes... (306 words, estimated 1:13 mins reading time)

How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve!

Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Mary
Mary who ?
Mary Christmas!

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It’s Christmas, Eve!

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail!

Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Answer: Snowflakes.

Christmas is the time when people put so many bulbs on the outside of their houses, you don’t know if they’re celebrating the birth of Jesus or General Electric.
Click here to read more Christmas Text Jokes... (121 words, estimated 29 secs reading time)

Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball?
It was his bat.

What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
His other fang.

Why did the vampire quit the baseball team?
They would only let him be BAT boy!

Why didn’t Dracula get married?
He never met a nice Ghoul!

What does a vampire fear most?
Tooth decay

What is Transylvania?
Dracula’s terror-tory

Where does Dracula water ski?
On Lake Erie

What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
Count Duckula
Click here to read more Halloween Jokes... (355 words, estimated 1:25 mins reading time)

Of all the friends I’ve ever met. Your the one I won’t forget. And if I die before you do, I’ll go to heaven and wait for you.

Words however special… could never even start, to tell you all the love I have for you within my heart.

Love under the stars… they seem very far, but you are so close the star I love the most.

Theres a warmth in my heart. It haunts me when you’re gone. Mend me to your side and never let go. The more I live The more I know, what’s simple is true, I love you.
Click here to read more Love Messages... (316 words, estimated 1:16 mins reading time)

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s s3xual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 per minute.

Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.

S3x is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…

Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams……

Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your p3nis………………………ERROR: Your p3nis was not found! Sorry…………..
Click here to read more SMS Joke... (320 words, estimated 1:17 mins reading time)