Funny Text Messages

A woman is a marvellous creation, she produces milk without eating grass,
she bleeds without being hurt, gets wet even when it does not rain and sucks without needing power.

Girl announced her engagement to her father.
Father: Does this fellow has any money?
Girl: Oh! Dad, U men r all alike, thats exactly what he asked me about u!

YOU are very cute becos in my dictionary Cute means
C – Causing U – Un-necessary T – Trouble E – Everywhere

Rules of Life: Assume Nothing, Xpect Little,
Do More, Demand Less,
Smile Often, Dream Big,
Laugh a Lot, Pray Always,
Cry Once for missing me everyday.
Click here to read more Funny Text Messages to Forward... (172 words, estimated 41 secs reading time)

How can you tell when a politician is lying to you? When his lips move!

When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!

Be nice to your children. They choose your nursing home.

I’ve written a poem for you: twinkle twinkle little star, you should know what you are, and once you know what you are, mental hospital is not too far.

They say laughter is the best medicine…so your face must be curing the world one laugh at a time.
Click here to read more Funny Text Messages 5... (237 words, estimated 57 secs reading time)

Lolita called up Boris: Come on over, there?s nobody home.
Boris reached Lolita’s home, No body was home.

You don’t know how precious you are to me.
When you cry, I cry
When you laugh, I laugh
When you jump out of the window?
I look down & I’m still laughing.

God made man and then rested.
God made women and then no one rested

Crime doesn’t pay…Does that mean my job is a crime?

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
Click here to read more Funny Text Messages... (162 words, estimated 39 secs reading time)

Do u take me 2 b ur lawful txt m8,
2 have & 2 hold in rich quotes & horny jokes,
in txt matrimony & in poor signal,
til low battery & no reception do us part?

Last night,
I needed u so badly,
I wanted 2 taste you,
I wanted you in me so you could work your powers on me
but i couldn’t find you
Mr. PARACETAMOL!!!

I saw sumthing in da shop window 2day.
It was stunning sexy cute beautiful & adorable.
I was supposed 2buy it4u till i realised
it was my own REFLECTION
Click here to read more Funny Text Message Jokes... (202 words, estimated 48 secs reading time)

When Jim walked into the office, he knew something was up. There was a message on his desk that the boss wanted to see him as soon as he arrived. The boss didn’t look very happy when Jim reported to his office. The older man didn’t say anything, he just pointed at the newspaper on his desk. It was opened to the sports page, and there was a picture of a smiling Jim, holding up the trophy for winning the local golf tournament the day before. “I just checked. You called in sick yesterday!” the boss said. “What if everybody just claimed to be sick and took off whenever they wanted to? What do you have to say for yourself?” There was a moment of silence in the big corner office, until Jim finally spoke up, “I was really surprised to win the tournament, sir. I have never played that well. Think of the score I could have had if I hadn’t been sick!”

Caught Sleeping Together
Boy1:Meet my wife Tina
Boy2.Oh! I know her
Boy1:How?
Boy2:v were caught sleeping together
Boy1:What the hell?
Boy2.during lecture in maths class

When In Trouble
When you are in trouble, don’t ever say,”Hey God!, I have big problem”
instead say,”Hey Problem, I have big GOD!”
and everything will be fine….

Success of Your Life
If you talk or say something after you think about it
this is not a success.
If you think and talk or say something
this is you success of your life.

Good Friends Are Hard To Find
Good FRIENDS are hard to find,
harder to leave,
and impossible to forget.

A mobile is like women :-
Talks non-stop,
Costs a fortune,
Disturbs when your busy
And when U need them urgently, they have no service.

terrorists have kidnapped our lecturers…
and demanded a ransom of $500000 or else they will burn them with kerosene…
plz donate. i have donated 15 litres.

Intelligent Man + Intelligent Woman = Romance.
Intelligent Man + Stupid Woman = Pregnancy.
Stupid Man + Intelligent Woman = Affair.
Stupid Man + Stupid Woman = Marriage !

One day i read smoking is bad, i stopped smoking.
one day i read drinking is bad, i stopped drinking.
one day i read SEX is bad, i stopped reading

An Aeroplane asks a Rocket
How is that you can fly so fast?
The Rocket replies you will know the pain
when they put fire at your back!

A group of elephants were
sitting on the street. A sexy
female elephant passes by…
What does the loafer elephant say?
Wow… 3600-2400-3600

chicken and egg in bed,
chicken has head on pillow smoking.
Egg rolls over annoyed saying”i guess we answered that question”

life is short! if you dont look around once in a while you might miss it

r mosquitoes religious?
YES
They first sing over u
& then prey on you

i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i laf.U jump out of da window… I look down & den… i laf again

At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on

Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty… so the world needs YOU after all!
Click here to read more Text Messages Joke... (284 words, estimated 1:08 mins reading time)

Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams……

My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too…

Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? …Okay, then can we just practice?

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Jesus loves you… everyone else thinks your an asshole…

If you wanna be a hippie, put you flower in your pipi…

Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!
Click here to read more Text Jokes 1... (170 words, estimated 41 secs reading time)