Flirty Text Messages
I know you’re busy today, but can you add one thing to your to-do list? Me.
I wish I was a teddy bear, that lay upon your bed, so everytime you cuddled it, you cuddled me instead.
If I could re arrange the alphabet I would put u and i together.
Excuse me, can you empty your pockets? I believe you have stolen my heart.
Ang tawag ng tambalan
Boy Gwapo + Girl Ganda = Nagmamahalan
Boy Gwapo + Girl Panget = Pinikot!
Boy Panget + Girl Ganda = Tinutukan!
Boy Panget + Girl Pangit = Pasensyahan
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Bata ka pa mahal
MATRONA: Sa palagay mo, mahal, ilang taon na ako?
BINATA : Kung titignan ka ng naka sideview, 18 ka lang; kung nakatalikod naman 16 lang; kung sa tangkad, 14 ka lang. Bale pagnakaharap ka ang total ay 48, sweetheart.
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Tagalog Jokes
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A woman is a marvellous creation, she produces milk without eating grass,
she bleeds without being hurt, gets wet even when it does not rain and sucks without needing power.
Girl announced her engagement to her father.
Father: Does this fellow has any money?
Girl: Oh! Dad, U men r all alike, thats exactly what he asked me about u!
YOU are very cute becos in my dictionary Cute means
C – Causing U – Un-necessary T – Trouble E – Everywhere
Rules of Life: Assume Nothing, Xpect Little,
Do More, Demand Less,
Smile Often, Dream Big,
Laugh a Lot, Pray Always,
Cry Once for missing me everyday.
Just though you ought to know…Your body makes me putty in your arms!
I’m home all by myself…Going crazy…Thinking about you.
A short thing, its get longer as u hold it
pass between woman’s breast & enters into a small hole
What is it?
Ans. cars seat belt…u dirty mind
A young girl after her honeymoon came fully exhausted and tired,
When her friends asked her what happened? She replied :
When this 70 year old bastard told me he has saved a lot from last 50 years,
“I thought It was MONEY”
How can you tell when a politician is lying to you? When his lips move!
When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!
Be nice to your children. They choose your nursing home.
I’ve written a poem for you: twinkle twinkle little star, you should know what you are, and once you know what you are, mental hospital is not too far.
They say laughter is the best medicine…so your face must be curing the world one laugh at a time.
Knock Knock
Who’s there !
Algy !
Algy who !
Algy-bra !
Will you remember me in an hour?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a day?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a week?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a month?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a year?
Yes.
I think you won’t.
Yes, I will.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
See? You’ve forgotten me already!
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Repeat.
Repeat who?
Who Who!
Knock Knock.
Who’s There?
Broccoli.
Broccoli Who?
Broccoli doesn’t have a last name, silly.
Knock Knock
Who’s There?
Dishes
Dishes Who?
Dishes me, whois you?
Q: What is a baby’s motto
A: If at first you don’t succeed cry cry again!
Q: Why did the cook get arrested?
A: Because he beat up an egg.
This guy went to school and he asked
“May I use the bathroom?”
The teacher replied, ” no not unless you say your abc’s.”
The guy said “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.”
The teacher asked “Where’s the p?
He replied, ” running down my leg!”
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s “the” night. We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. And I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that. Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack.” The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Justin Bieber used to be a Dog trainer. All he had to do was sing and any dog within a 34 mile radius would come flying.
In an interview with MTV News, Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe said that when he heard Justin Bieber sing for the first time, he thought he was a woman. That’s ridiculous. Justin Bieber is not a woman. He’s a girl.
Q: How does Justin Beiber remove a used condom?
A. He farts.
I called Justin Bieber gay, and he slapped me with his purse.
Lolita called up Boris: Come on over, there?s nobody home.
Boris reached Lolita’s home, No body was home.
You don’t know how precious you are to me.
When you cry, I cry
When you laugh, I laugh
When you jump out of the window?
I look down & I’m still laughing.
God made man and then rested.
God made women and then no one rested
Crime doesn’t pay…Does that mean my job is a crime?
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?